I think most of us were hoping 2021 would be easier or smoother than 2021. That’s clearly not the case. It’s sort of its own dopey little sequel. I suppose that’s life though. Everything changes. At this point though, it seems like things are just...unstable. Instead of rushing around, we’re staying home more, which is fine for some, but many of us still have to go out and do what we can to make it. All these lofty ideas we have for ourselves, maybe we can achieve them, maybe we can’t. All I know now, is that some of the things I wanted to do, I’m not in a hurry for anymore. I used to want to write thirty books, then it was fifteen, now its maybe four. It may not be anything more we’re all so busy, but I tend to think its because I re-evaluated some stuff, and got a more realistic look at things.
I’m supposed to be writing a paper and I just don’t have the motivation for it. I can look down at the dog and see she’s got zero cares in this world other how many treats she can scrounge in a day. If you think about it, its a pretty nice way to live. You got toys everywhere, a dog bed to pass out in like a sailor on leave, and you don’t have bills or have to worry about putting food on the top. Not a bad way to live honestly.
I might’ve stumbled across an old formula to write a story. I wrote down a bunch of ideas and figured out how they all came together, and then I put together music playlists for theses dumb little mystery novels I’m writing. Most of the stuff I’m doing isn’t that great, but they’re all I’ve got so I’m doing what I can with them. I’ve been trying for years to write about things I love, but it gets tough. You doubt, you struggle, you change words, and phrases, to try and convey something particular, something good. I’m doing a lot more than I used to, it took me two years to write a novella. I’ve got more projects than ever, but I’m you can’t exist in limbo forever. At some point you want to finish. Locking yourself up in a room, is great if you’re actually working. Otherwise, you’re just sitting in the dark taking naps in between half finished ideas. You don’t always have a lot of time to do things when you’re working all day anyway, so you sort of hit this spiral where you just sink....
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