Whiskey and Writing

I was reminded of a couple things the last few days. It’s the day after Christmas, a time when people typically try to put the world to the side and enjoy time with friends and family. I had an awkward phone call with my daughter who lives with her mom, in another state. Made me realize how little they want me to have any part of her life. Also had a stepdaughter that talked to her douchebag abusive “ex” boyfriend, who suddenly called to see if he could get back in the picture, and a shady supervisor praise me in one breath, and then try to embarrass me in another. This all happened in the course of about a week. This is all minor stuff considering the stuff I normally have to deal with. But I wanted to leave you with a Christmas message, that you shouldn’t give up. Because I’m not.

Today is supposed to be a joy, gratitude, blessings, and family. Instead I’ve been involved three arguments, overheard a snide remark about our new house, and endless stupidity. We’ve been through a lot this year, if nothing else, I’m grateful for the experiences, failures, and small successes that’ve come this year. I’ve learned more about myself this year than any other, and I’ve learned more about people, and have tried to do more to be successful in this life, than I have before. So with that, I leave you this message. Nobody’s perfect. There’s room for forgiveness in all things, but don’t let people treat you like doormat. It’s ok to stand up for yourself, even if its the first time you’re doing it. There’s nothing wrong with voicing your opinion, even if it’s for the first time. It’s ok to stand up.

I’ve been thinking I seem to come up with halfway decent ideas when I sort of think of them in the moment, though sometimes it’s good to reflect on things too. I like to think I have good ideas, or have something to offer that somebody might interested in knowing, but it’s usually the case I get sidetracked, distracted, lose interest, or lose confidence in my own ability. It’s tough if you’re trying to write because you often doubt yourself, and it sometimes sounds like a cliche kind of job. I spend most of my time playing games on my phone, or researching, instead of actually getting anything done. I did manage to finish one short novel, but I’m not horrible confident about it, I just try to chug along and see if I can find one project that will stand out, or make me feel confident enough to keep going. It’s pointless to say you’re a writer, if you never write anything. Anyway that’s how it is for me, not sure if that’s being too honest, but who knows? I’m creeping up on 40, and I’m...

I’ve been thinking in the last five minutes that my dogs just want to hang out. I typically sit in the office, or at the bar here at home, and work alone. And then they come in and paw at you till you pick them, or figure you’re not going to pick them up or sit with them.  So I ended up coming over to the couch, and one of them just plopped herself down. She just wants to hang out. She looks like a furry little beached whale just spread out everywhere. I’ve had animals my entire life, and I keep forgetting these little moments don’t last forever. Hang out with your furry pals.

I’ve been in tons of training for my job, and one of the tricks I use to stay awake is to take a little notebook in with me. I use it for my writing, but it makes it look like to those around me, that I’m interested in the topic we’re learning. I’ve gotten the first few pages of a crime novel done, and I’m organizing the layouts for other books I’m working on too. I like to handwrite things, so this has been really helpful to me, but it makes me look all kinds of professional too.

I’m gonna be 38 in a couple of months. As you approach 40 you start to reflect if your life has any accomplishments. I’ve got some but not much. I’ve been trying to write since I was kid, but frankly, even at this age, you still wonder if anything you do is good enough. I finished a small book. The story is horrible, but the story is mine. I suppose its an homage to certain things, but mostly it was something to help me work out a few things I was dealing with. I try to write now, because I want one good book. Oh I’ll still publish that crappy one, but I’m gonna publish all kinds of stuff. I work on politics, fiction, superheroes, history, things that interest me, things that interest you. Because life isn’t over at 40. Life is like the smoke from a candle. You barely get a glimpse of it and it’s gone. I don’t want to waste time and look back saying I didn’t try to make a mark on the world.

I’m working on a crime novel. The story is pretty much set, I’m just trying to work out a couple of details. But because it’s a crime, I’m trying to turn my notes and things into a sort of case file. Also the story takes place in a fictional town, so I’ve been trying to build the town using pics and drawings, and small props. It gives me sort of a tangible connection to the world I’m building, the idea of doing all this makes it more realistic I hope, and maybe a better story. I can’t do this for everything I write, but I hope it gives me an edge, and my little nitch or gimmick to make me a better writer. I spent a lot of time trying to do research on this thing too. I read books on investigation, and even have tried to draw on my own experiences as a cop, and really as a person to try and create characters that seemed more real, and not just victims, or witnesses, or background to the story. I even came up with playlists so I’d be in a certain mood for this story, this story I hope ...